Worried Wednesday

To be honest, I have really been disappointed that I have not been able to get my thoughts out here for the past few days. Not that I NEEDED to put anything down but i enjoy recapping my day and thinking through what happened. I guess i can pick up at the last point that i remember.
Sunday my girlfriend came to visit me at school. Everything became much easier once she got there. Studying for finals became more natural and I had a natural motivation to get things done so I could spend time with her. One of the things I love most about her is how god damn smart she is and how she knows that school and grades are a tremendous priority. So what that my motivation was to be with her and not to do well? She understood that I needed to get things done and it helped me knowing that she understood this. The weekend was amazing, we got snowed in and we were able to just be with each other with no where to go, it was alot of fun.
We drove home tuesday afternoon and it was the most fun i've had in a car probably ever. We danced, goofed off, read magazines, talked about celebrities, politics and romance. She had this romance book that really had some good stuff in it. I dont consider myself romantic, and I know she wishes I was more romantic sometimes but she accepts that I'm not and it makes the moments that I am even more incredible than every moment with her already is. Anyway, i enjoyed the romance book and it makes me appreciate romance a little more.
So that leads me to the present. Boy what a day. The title for today will explain itself with the days events. Since August, my white blood cell counts have been slightly elevated, I've gone back for blood work several times and still the count remains slightly elevated. Today I went to a doctor that specializes in various issues with blood. I walked in and found out that I had to have a bone marrow tap. As soon as I heard bone marrow I knew it was a serious deal. I did not know the amount of pain that I was walking into. It was five minutes of poking, stinging, pressure, electric shock like sensations and unmeasurable amounts of agony. I have a good amount of discomfort from this, the doctor said it would be that way for a few weeks. I'm not happy about that. However, the reason that such a serious precaution needed to be taken was to prove that infact nothing was wrong. High blood cell count potentially means leukemia but the doctor was nearly certain this was not the case with me. I trust him, I usually despise doctors and never take what they say at face value but something about this doctor was reassuring. He tried to really calm my mother down and stress to her how certain he was that this was just a precaution to prove that nothing at all is wrong with me. His logic made sense, he wants to prove that its nothing before he goes and tries to prove that its something small. Anyway, once my initial fury at the doctor for putting me through so much pain wore off i turned my attention to my parents. They've known about this for weeks that this procedure was going to occur. They didnt want to tell me because they didnt want me thinking about it during finals, I appreciate that but for some reason I felt a sense of betrayal. Not that my parents would ever deliberately betray me but part of me would have liked to prep for something like this. My mom was incredibly worried about this and it makes me mad, nothing is wrong, i trust this doctor, i liked him and i for once actually believed everything a doctor had to say to me. The results come in sometime next week, I'll be very glad when this is all over.


"The reason that worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work."
~Robert Frost
Goodnight