Freedom of Friday

To everyone, Friday is the end of the work week when people have logged hours at jobs, studying, anything, and Friday is the top of the mountain called the week. You have climbed all week to reach the end. But for me, Fridays often provide more of a sense of constraint. How could this be possible? During the week for the most part I am not a hard working individual, I get things done but they always without fail wait till the last minute, but they get done and usually get done well. Anyone who knows me would vouch for this statement. The weekend comes around and I usually feel guilty that I am not being productive. I feel that since I'm not always productive during the work week, what gives me a right to relax on the weekend. Not like i had a stressful week.
However, this week was different. I did work hard and as I said in previous postings, I'm actually ahead of schedule and based on that I should be entitled to a relaxing weekend. But no, I drove home 2 hours from school today to see my favorite saxophonist Dave Koz in the city and for some reason there was something holding me back from completely enjoying myself. What is there not to enjoy? It was a magical Christmas season evening in New York City with great company, a good place for dinner and a phenomenal musician. It doesnt get any more relaxing. But for some reason I couldnt relax. I did feel like I was on the clock, completely. I felt that because everything in my household is always so scheduled and coordinated there was no wiggle room for any change of plans that may come my way. While I didn't tell my mother (who as i said in yesterdays post is the usual source of my angst and today is no different) that i was driving my girlfriend home to long island from new york city. But the only reason I wouldnt tell her this is because there is NO WIGGLE ROOM.
I dont understand why she can't just let me make decisions especially when it comes to MY girlfriend. Whats the big deal if i drive her home? It's out of my way, yeah, and for those environmentalists, its a waste of gas. But what if it's relaxing to me, to be around the person I love the most. Is it still out of the way, or better yet, is it still a WASTE of gas? No.
While all of this angst and disgust with many of my mother's antics make me more often than not completely detest her, i do understand that she is still my mother.
Which is why I am completely torn in a situation like this. It bothers me that my girlfriend does not like my mother, but i completely understand why, and i can not for even the slightest bit of an instance blame her. However, she is still my mother.
I'm jealous of her family. Its big, loud, fun and most importantly, Genuine. They dont leave each other's presence and immediately start criticizing this one and that one for this that and the other thing. No. The laughter keeps coming. My family is all fake smiles through gritted teeth at each other.
But I'm torn, I dont like confrontation, especially with my mother because like i said there is no winning with her. I know that she likes my girlfriend, she has her doubts about me and my ability to prioritize things incorrectly...but there she goes again, what if i want to prioritize things that way my girlfriend comes before my work?
I think that often times there are some things that are better off unsaid, and I think my angst with my mother is one of them. She is not worth my effort. I'm an adult, I know I will get done what I need to get done, when i want to, how i want to, with who i want to and where i want to.

All of this being said, Don't bite the hand that feeds you
Goodnight